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The Cost of Dehumanization

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Living in a non-stop nightmare... [17 Apr 2004|03:45pm]

I'm going to be using a different journal!!!

Er, yes. felt like changing, so there it is. Would like to still be able to speak with the lot of you, aheh. So yeah, if ye'd care to friend and all... As a forewarning, I may decide to be not lazy and actually friend some of yes myself. Wow.

But, yes. Have a different name. Whee.
8 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

We stare at an empty day... [17 Apr 2004|02:25pm]
Jekyll and Hyde by dangerousgame
Favorite Color
J&H CharacterEdward Hyde
J&H SongConfrontation
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!


Anybody have a way that I can get to Texas during the weekend after next, or the weekend after that? I can buy a ticket, I can find a hotel room... I need excuse. A reason. Something that'll convince parentals to... Somehow... Must find a way.
1 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Call me a fool and it's true, I am... [17 Apr 2004|01:52am]
[ mood | amused ]

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions. Anything you want. Then go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.




Aheh, many thanks to Sarah and Shannon, yes. Evening was very interesting, yes. Not jsut the play itself, either. ;) The paly was quite good, though... Especially considering what it was. Was incredibly amused throughout the whole thing... Sicne we jsut did it last year, we were singing along to ourselves. See? That's why sitting in the balcony, where fewer people are, view is nice, and stage is not extremely close, is good. Can sing along, make comments, whatever... To an extent. Bwah.

But yes. The guy that played Stride when they did Jekyll & Hyde was Drake. Very good. :D Spent a good part of the time thinking of him as Simon, and seeing the stage go back to Jekyll & Hyde. Yay. Also randomly got to point to the guy that played Danvers, then to the guy that played Stride, and say that the Stride guy was trying to steal the other guy's daughter. Er, yes. Bwee.

And so much to be taken the wrong way... "Suck on this." Hrm.

We got to chase Shannon down before actually leaving to go see the play; interesting, to say the least. Involved catching the car she was in, passing them and waving frantically, then stopping in the middle of the road to get Shannon. Yes, and had fun passing a rather long line of rather irritatingly slow cars on the way to the play so we wouldn't be late. Also had fun finding a parking space... Hrm.

Coming back was very nice, because it was... yes. We listened to music from Jekyll & Hyde the entirity of the way back, and sang along. Wheeeeeeee!

Yes, well, I'd like to do that again, and I am not at all tired now.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

You found the strength to end your life... [14 Apr 2004|10:37pm]
What Type O Negative Song Are You? by nonsystemdisk
Your Song:Bloody Kisses
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Gor, I love that song... It was the first I heard by them.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

How do you own disorder? [13 Apr 2004|11:22pm]
Stolen from Andyrewy of der Oz, as I am bored. Whee.

Wow...Collapse )

Apparently, I'm a loser. Maybe. Whee.
4 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Cut me off before it kills me... [13 Apr 2004|08:07am]
I wanted to make a post appear.



A post appeared.

And I have new layoutish. Whee.
5 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

[10 Apr 2004|11:45am]
Aheh. I liked the movie very much... Wanted to kill the woman narrator at the beginning, but she went away, so all was well. ;) And while I don't typically warm up to the movies about the whole music deal... Very nice. :D So yes, Velvet Goldmine good, aheh. And was probably good that I opted to watch it while the rest of the family was out...

So much Oscar Wildeishness. That makes everything worthwhile, ne? Also much like for the Wild and the Fairy... And the Arthur. Mmmm. Nice movie. ;)

Now I shall proceed to dance around for no apparent reason while we waits to go off to family-type get together thing... Joy.

And Amanda keeps singing that damned song...

"Hitler, he only has one ball!"

Damnitall... Why didn't we get to watch the Separate Peace movie? Or did we and I forgot...? I think I'd have rememebr that much randoness, though, aheh.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

[07 Apr 2004|11:46pm]
[ mood | *shifty eyes* ]


The Blancmange aliens are going to win Wimbledon!

It's okay, though, because the Keep left signs shall... Wait, no. They're going to try to kill us, too.

Yah, looks like we're quite effectively doomed.
4 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Get in and pick a pocket or two... [03 Apr 2004|11:18pm]
Just got back from seeing Little Shop of Horrors... Aheh. Mixed felings on the show. It probably would've been somewhat more amusing with a bit of a different take and a bit more emphasis on the creepy, but I know little and it all works out. Was a high school doing it at the center for the arts, so the setting was nice... Memories of working on Pajama Game show, aheh. But yes. The plant had a nice voice... Was very, very amused the first time it spoke. Aheh. And by the fact that it was a terribly blood-thirsty plants, since that sort of thing really does amuse me. Not so much amused by the three girls, as they were just randomly there and very annoying, and the shop owner that couldn't sing, which was sad. It was entertaining, though... Especially since we sat in the balcony closer to the stage, aheh.

Oh, and found out that I have a bit more to do in Guys and Dolls, which is always fun. Invovles dancing, which is a bit frightening, but I'm up for a... challenge. And maybe singing, so yay, because singing is fun.

Somehow was talking about when we saw Oliver! at the Croswell... In any case, voicing my major complaint about that. Oliver was a... wow, pansy would be an understatement, but even that wasn't the worst. The guy that played Sikes was terrible... That was very sad.

Got family to watch Gladiator last night, as me siblings generally agreed that it sounded good to watch. 'Tis a very nice movie... Now want to watch it again, bah. That and A Beautiful Mind. *shifty eyes* Oh, and rented The Red Violin today... *more shifty eyes*

Is there anything to feel?

[02 Apr 2004|10:08am]
Right. So I've something of a favor to ask, i s'pose. Had to write a short story for pointless creative writing class. What follows is what I have and any sort of commentary would be appreciated, so jah...


He didn’t care for the way that she was looking at him. Had she merely glanced at him, he would scarcely have cared. Had she stared with a dull sort of blankness, he would only have been somewhat discomforted. Even some sort of inane admiration, the kind one often saw in young women of her age, would have been tolerable. This, however, was not. The girl’s eyes—a much lighter shade of gray than his own, yet not the less accusing—were fixed on him in an expression of immense suspicion.

Muttering to himself incoherently, he shifted in his seat, attempting to fix his mind on the book that he held in his hands. To read it was quite impossible, however, as he had held no interest to it prior to realizing that he was being observed. Now, under this unrelenting gaze, he understood well that he would be unable to comprehend a word of what had been written. Damn it all. Why was she staring at him?

As he slid the book into his bag, he jumped inwardly at the sound of a voice. Even before he looked up, he knew who the voice belonged to. It had to have been her, after all. That girl. Her voice was been demanding, as if it were more of an accusation than a question. “Didn’t care for the book?”


She refused to take her eyes away from his face. If she were to move her eyes for even a bare second, she felt that he would slip away, and then she would never see that face again. That face, those eyes, and God, what mind must have been there. What a past must have been held. It was not that she knew him; she had never seen him in her life. Nor had she ever had any sort of premonition regarding him. Several of her friends claimed to dream truths, but she was unable to believe in such fallacies.

There had been times in the past when she had been struck by the form and expression of a person; this was to be expected when one spent so very much time observing them. Never before, however, had she been so remarkably struck by the appearance of another. Physically, there was nothing that would catch the eye of most. If anything, he looked worn, a bit untidy, but overall appeared fairly ordinary—a man older than herself, but certainly not yet at the middle of his life. Even the book he was reading would hardly catch the eye of most, though she knew of it and loved it, as she loved all else that was written and bound.

Something in the way that his face was set, the way that his hands very slightly twitched, had caught her eye, and something else had held it there. She was unable to define what this was, exactly. It had brought her to place a mental veil of protection between herself and the man, however, and had swiftly driven her suspicion to an unusually high level. In her mind’s eye she saw a single word flashing in bright neon red, read simply as ‘warning’.

For several minutes—it had seemed longer, but time never did pass consistently—she had stared at the man, attempting to discern this feeling or to shake it. There was a creeping quality to it, as if some reptilian creature had dug in under her skin and begun to nestle around beneath it. When the feeling had persisted, she was rather alarmed, and entirely unsure of what to do. This man was fascinating in the near-terror that his appearance imposed. She could most certainly not let him leave without understanding; in that, she was persistent.

How to understand? She knew the solution: Ask a question. Speak to him. It seemed unsafe—perhaps there was reason for the sensation of terror—and yet she could not bow out. There was an urge to know within her, a domineering persistence that demanded she delve into the unknown. Thus thinking, she pushed herself to act, to say something. When he moved to put away his book, she took her chance, speaking rather more harshly than she had intended. Her tone of voice did not surprise her entirely, though. In strange situations, she was prone to becoming rather more protective of herself, and therefore more confrontational toward others. This, she decided, most certainly qualified as a strange situation.

She received no answer to her initial question, and this vexed her greatly. Why would he not respond to such a question as this? Even his body seemed remain set, as if he had refused even to register the simple inquiry. However, she pushed, wishing to know the answers, as she had always wanted to know them. “Well? What was the matter with it?”


He had a difficult time of restraining his lip from the twitch it yearned to undertake. Why should this girl speak to him in such a tone? He had done nothing to her, after all, and had not planned on taking any sort of action against her. Not that he was innocent overall, but this one had no grounds to mistrust him, so far as he could tell.

The situation vexed him greatly, and this sort of confusion always came hand-in-hand with anger. He could feel this anger brewing within him, beginning to churn within him. Were he not careful, it could rise to control him. It had in the past, had it not? Certainly, a train was no place for such a thing to happen. No, he would keep himself in check. It was of necessity that he do so.

If she persisted in speaking to him, he would have rather a difficult time of retaining his outward silence, and would certainly lose direct control of his inner calm. Why did such a woman have to decide to speak with him now? Usually, they left him to his own devices, and he very much preferred such situations as that. The less he was expected to speak, the better. Now, however, here she was and though he had refused to dignify either of her questions with an answer, she looked as though she…

Had she just asked him another question? He considered, and realized that it had been a statement, really, but that she had indeed spoken again. “Not as if you were reading it, anyway.” That was what she had said. In itself, the statement irked him; she had been watching him far too closely, then. This woman was unavoidable, and he no realized that he would be required to push her away before she sent him off of the metaphorical edge. And that wouldn’t do at all.


“Look, Miss, I would be most grateful if you would leave me be.” The man looked at the girl steadily, eyes uncaring.

She started at his voice, as if she had not expected him to actually speak. For a moment she was unable to speak, as if caught by his words. Then, as if in immense indignation, she spoke again. “It was a question, and I would simply like to have an answer.”

His eyes never wavered, and the twitch of his hand seemed unrelated to any irritation he might feel. It was as if she barely existed to him, as if he were far away. When he spoke, it was slowly, deliberately. “Silence yourself.” He paused, and then added, “Now.”

Again there was a silence, and again it seemed that the girl would contain herself. The dull roar that surrounded the two of them seemed to become quieter, and all seemed, for the time, to be near to silence. She spoke again, however, interrupting the quiet tension. “Now, look, I—”

At that moment, the train slowed, came to a stop. The man moved his hand to his bag, moving his eyes from the young woman. When he looked back she was still watching, mouth open in mid-sentence. For another moment he watched her, and then he leaned forward unhurriedly, threatening in a silent manner. Some previously hidden fire in his eyes flared and the lines of the veins in his forehead surged maddeningly. Though his eyes spoke of fury, his voice, when he spoke, was a perfectly controlled whisper.

“I might have killed you; I have done it before. In my mind, you are already dead.”

He was gone in an instant, drawing away with a swift sliding motion, out of her sight, his very vision out of her mind forever. There was only the voice, only the statement. She sat where she was, staring at nothing, for a very long time afterward.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Each day you feel me devour your soul... [29 Mar 2004|10:20am]
Since I've not yet really gone into it, it's time to tak about Youth in Government. Here's hoping that it'll do something, in any case.

On the way up, we nearly all had a seat to ourselves, and I believe that those who didn't chose to sit with someone else, in most cases. All in all, we didn't have an excess of people; I believe fewer went than did last year. Also, probably only half actually did the senate/house work; the rest of us were in electronic press, written press, or MJP. Stopped at Burger King and founded free plasticish bibs with "Future Whopper Eater" on them, so of course Amanda, Heather, and I took some. Amanda smeared ketchup all over hers; 'twas lovely.

First night there... We had an MJP meeting that was terribly pointless. Sat through it getting chided by Danielle for not paying attention. Could we help it? So dull. And the people talking didn't seem to be entirely certain of what,e xactly, they were supposed to be talking about. General assembly afterward was no better; that one, I believe, I almost fell aslep in. I turned instead to making my notebook look special with an Oscar Wilde quote, yay. After that, we spent the rest of the night working on our MJP materials. You must realize, you see, that I had none of my questions for cross or direct done. Ina ddition, I had only just written my closing the night before, and hadn't read over it much since then. Amanda and Heather had much to do with their questions as well. Thus did we stay up for quite a while working, watching Spanish television, and not watching that damned fish movie that they put on.

Had our first trial Thursday morning as prosecution. Oh, there was a meeting before it, but that was another case of paying no attention. We were prosecution for the trial, and thus was I a witness. Yay to being a druggish witness! It was rather boring, though; the cross questions didn't make much sense and had no real direction, so didn't need to be played with much. Ah well. Were fairly even with them.

Second trial sucked very, very badly. Most of the opposing team was all right, but there was one guy who objected to essentially everything and, no matter how inane or blatantly nonsensical the objections, they were almost always passed. The judge was a fucking idiot, and terribly unprofessional. It was a very long two hours, I can assure you. We were defense, so I got to play laywer, which made it seem even longer as we had to listen to and respond to the most ridiculous of objections. Honestly, why object to the pre-trial motion of changing "Alabama" to "Michigan" when it was an obvious typo, as it had been changed in other places and we happen to reside in the state of Michigan and not Alabama? The other team ahd just gotten their case and thus knew very little; seemed they made up for lack of knowledge--or, rather, one member did--by making the pointless objections. The judge... Gah. Best not to get started on that one. He didn't even look up most of the time; sat at the desk doodling on a piece of paper. Yes. Because that sort of thing helps so much.

We were all quite suitably pissed after that trial; nerves on end and all. Sort of at the "oh, to hell with it" point. Heather had been making slit-wrist motions during the trial. Luckily, the third trial went much more smoothly than the previous one. The team was still rather misinformed, but this made it more amusing in some cases. We were prosecution again, and I finally had the chance to play around with what I found about the Neo American Church, which amused me. They'd believe I'd joined the church in 1965; I pointed out that the church was formed in 1965 by Art Kleps and that I was not even old enough to have joined at that time; my character was thirty-three. And not the chief Boo Hoo--and it'd be Bee Hee, anyway. Twisting things to one's own advantage really is a lot of fun, and was quite easy to do at that time, aheh.

Spent the night... hrm. Ah, yes. Watching a Spanish talk show with kick-ass sound effects, aheh. Also worked on tweaking some things with the case, and found out that we'd been grouped into class A (they divide teams into class A and B by points, which really confuses us, thinking on it), which was a shocker after what the second judge had given us. We still don't understand why he gave us such a low score, as we weren't wonderful, but we certainly held our ground, and in a rather nasty situation.

Friday morning we were shipped off to the Cooley School of Law. Nice looking place, but we were stuck in a room for a long time. For the first two hours, we got to listen to lectures on technology, ethics dealing with law, and a civil rights speech. Roughly translated, we sat in the back and wrote random things on our papers, as well as looked through our case materials. Rather amused that we were at such a place hearing shit that was aimed at people who were planning to be lawyers, because when we were asked how many of us actall wanted to be lawyers, only three or four people out of seventy or so raised their hands. Waste of time?

Then came the time when some groups were sent off in pairs to work on thier cases with a alw student; this made little sense, as then two teams would hear the same tips and thus would react the same when paired against one another. The rest of us sat in the same room and watched some people from the group give a demonstration of parts of the trial. It was supposed to be one team doing it, but it got rather fucked up, and ended up being completely screwy. We tried to pay attention, but it became more and more difficult until finally they called a guy to cross a witness. She was acting as Fighter, the witness I worked as, and was a veritable pain in the ass. She was argumentative, had a viciously annoying voice, and made no sense. "I can't answer that, because I don't have a degree in drugs." So personal experience doesn't count? "I can't answer that, because I'm not an expert in religion." But aren't you a member of the church? On and on like that. Amanda, Heather, and I made several comments about her and what we could do to her to make her shut the hell up. The guys in front of us had been looking back at us whenever we remarked, and finally just laughed with us. Most people were becoming quite annoyed by this time, and I was becoming quite murderous. To take our minds off of this, we had story time. I read part of LXG Volume One to Heather, and then we went through the "When in trial, be like Hyde, not like Jekyll" deal. It was a rather appropriate analogy, ne? Aheh.

After lunch break and sitting on nicey couches, we were called to our next trial, which was at the law school. We were supposed to be having trials in the mini courtrooms that the school had, but apparently, there weren't enough. Because of this, we were sent to a cramped room on the seventh floor. Bad for Heather, because she aaprently has a nasty fear of heights. I believe Danielle did, too. However, there was a plus side... Several, it ended up. First off, the team that we ended up facing was the team of guys that had been sitting in front of us and accepted the fact that we are strange people during the damned mock trial demonstration we'd been at earlier. Second, the judge was a law school student and actually sort of understood what we were doing and going through. Thus, he helped us more than any other judge had. The trial itself went fairly well. Cramped, yes, but we were ready to go and on defense. Apparently, all of the witnesses were given full points, which is always nice to hear. Many helpful suggestions were given. Apaprently, my closing was effective enough, bwah; favorite part about playing lawyer has always been the closing. But, yes, it was a nice trial. I actually got all of the cross-questions for Fighter I wanted to do, as the people were not ready at any moment to make ridiculous arguements. The guys were cooperative, and we took what we could from each other. Felt bad about calling them out on not having given venue, but we figured it was better done at that time than at a later trial. Also, they were the only ones who actually inquired as to what pantheist was after the trial. So yes, the team was intelligent but not terribly arrogant, which is always a difficult combination to find in an MJP team. Was probably the best trial to think on that we had, though others were amusing...

Shall continue with the evnts later on. Three more trials, and two of them were... Gah. Three defense trials in one day was not fun. And the damned people that kept cutting my cross for Fighter because it was irrelevant. The emotions of one don't have to do with how one perceives something, and is thus offended? LSD doesn't effect the emotions? I argued the points and still they fell. Ah well, I did make my point; none of them knew a thing about thier own religion. Fighter would say that he loved his religion deeply. I would ask if he then held and deeply knew all of the doctrines and ideas of his religion, as he was essentially a minister. he would say yes. then I would go on to ask whether the religion was pantheistic, and then what it meant. At the point, the witness would stutter and generally not know. Although I was unable to continue in the line, the point was made; the witness did not hold the ideas of his church in great knowledge. It was amusing to me, just... because. Pantheistic is a fun word.

Amanda, Heather, and Danielle did very wellishness; Heather improved greatly as we went along. Danielle was always far more organizaed and ready to go than the rest of us. Amanda was essentially up for anything, and very calm as a witness. All in all, team worked well together. *shrug* Shocking that we had a case together, considering are prior preperation. It really was a shock.

But, yes, s'pose I'll stop for now. More when I feel like writing, whee.
Is there anything to feel?

Good morrow to you, Magistrate! [28 Mar 2004|03:44pm]
[ mood | bemused ]

Sometimes I think it'd be better if I just stopped coming online, or perhaps talking to anyone, period. Hrm.

Still not getting into YiG things much just yet; not really functioning properly. And, on a randomish note, siblings are watching a rather strange movie in the next room.

But yes, sometimes it seems that it would be easier to give it up. I don't trust people--I cannot, even after giving the question much thought, think of anyone whom I trust in any close sort of manner. So why bother? Hell, I know I won't, but it's worth a thought.

In any case. Random thought...

Incredibly Annoying Girl at Boring Demostration for MJP: "I don't have a degree in drugs!"
Me, sitting and being forced to watch: What the fuck...? DIE!

And the demonstration for what to not be and to be while being a witness or a lawyer?
Don't be a Jekyll.
Do be a Hyde.

And yes, there was a demonstration for this involving frames in the graphic novel. LXG works. Only during the trials, of course... I can go Hyde then, but I am typically far too much a Jekyll.

Yes, well, more on YiG and MJP later.

My brother just put Young Frankenstein on. Shall have to go watch it.
Is there anything to feel?

[21 Mar 2004|06:27pm]
Whoa... I just got in from running about half an hour ago. Whoa. Was damned cold out, but that's actually a bit nice when running, as I overheat rather easily. :D Bwee, three miles today, which was a shocker, as I hadn't thought I'd actually get my arse around to running. I'd been comtemplating it, and..

Yeeheehee. Now, since me was wearing shorts, me legs is cold and on fire at the same time. Fun. *dances around*
Is there anything to feel?

Hurling me to mad extremes... [21 Mar 2004|01:44am]
Nicolas has a new place to play now, and I finally began pimpage of The Masquerade. All in all, got work done online, whoa. However, still need to work on more MJP stuffs, and on essays...

And apparently I have to be up at seven to clean and then go to church. There was a rather interesting debate of sorts in which me dad bitched at me and I responded rationally, which only pissed him off more. Was it my fault that all he did was repeat himself? Gor. And it's not as if I rubbed it in his face.

However. MJP work tomorrow. Today, rather. Joy.

Right, and since I can, here are some Jekyll & Hyde icons.

Filled with screaming pain...Collapse )

Oh, and I finally uploaded the pictures from Saturday's perforance of A Midsummer Night's Dream and of the lock-in... Wow. Some of those pictures... Wow. I was most amused while looking through them.
7 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

The nature of the demons that possess man's soul... [19 Mar 2004|04:13pm]
Me is happyness. :D I was accepted into Arcadia, and also received invite to take the first semester at the institute in London... Yeeheehee. *jumps about* I has been accepted into my schools of choice, and is happy.

Now I need to get into more about financial aid, gah... And wait to find out about Guys and Dolls, hrm.
6 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Fire, fury, and flame... [19 Mar 2004|12:34am]
[ mood | amused ]

The auditioning place was fun, aheh. I didn't read much, which is typical for me--did shitty on what I had, so didn't go back up. I could give my excuses, but they've been said repeatedly, and I don't really care. ;) Song went all right, especially considering I'd never heard it with that piano part... Did Good 'n' Evil, because it's a fun song. Piano part sounds very cool... Yes. Oldish lady said it sounded creepy, which made me happy. Aheh. I s'pose I did okayish with singing... Had fun, though, as it was music from Jekyll & Hyde I was singing. Dancing was beh as always, though I did get the kist of it, for once.

But overall, very, very entertaining. Aheh. It was kind of like Pajama Game again... So many of the people there. O_o Strangeish that I was granted welcome by 'em... Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. ;) Aheh, okay, but it made me more comfortable knowing that there were more people I knew... Also made Amanda and Heather go to work on MJP shit, which we sort of did. Yes, fun. Somewhat hyperish right now, because still incredibly amused. Hell, I'd like to get cast very much, but if I don't there's always backstage, which would be fun as well. Gwah.

Afterward, we went to the bridge and did a confrontation circle--first one ever on the Bridge, w00t--and some fairy dancing. Tehn stopped at Tim Horten's. Mmmmcaffeinemmmm.

So yes, night was fun. The rest of the day suck quite a lot--I s'pose class in morning wasn't awful--but all before that and after it sucked. Especially school, gag. And after school. But yes, night was good.

2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

There is sweet music in the air... [16 Mar 2004|04:41pm]
[ mood | distracted ]

Let's see how long I can talk for the time being...

First of all, I get to talk about Hillsdale. Because I said I do. ;) Arrived there Sunday afternoon in time for the play; it was Of Thee I Sing. Most definitely not nearly the best play I've seen, but not the worst, either. The songs were entirely unnecessary--let's repeat the chorus again and again--and there were a hella lot of dances. The puppets were entertaining, though. It'd be fun to act with puppets, aheh.

After really long play, went to dinner at hosue of cousin's family, as they lived nearby. Aside from the pair of us and her parents, there were three others--her brother and two friends. It was rather amusing, and quite a lot like listening to my family talk. Having Lego hands and then talking about how Legos would go about having sex. Fun shit. After dinner went back to the dorm while she went out to do some stuffs, and worked on ideas for philosophy paper. Then went to music building, which was coolness. After a while there, returned to dorm room, went to aleep a while after that. Also started reading Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, which I had begun and then stopped reading earlier. Am now headed into chapter two... which sounds amusing. Long chapters are fun, aheh.

Yesterday, woke up and went to breakfast, where we ate with some interestingish people. That was perhaps one of the really amusing things--meeting random people. Like the guy that was on the backstage crew wearing a kilt. I swears, I've never shaken hands with so many people in my life. 'Twas a bit odd, but again, most interesting. I like watching people, and these people weren't bad-evil-like. Whoa.

Went to two classes and sat in with them before lunh. I was suppoed to be in a theatre one as well, but they were having an exam so I went back to the dorm with counsinish to take a shower. The first class I attended was a required one for freshamn, I believe, involved rhetoric and English. They were discussing Swift's A Modest Proposal, which I read for a class last year and was thus able to follow along. Most interesting, yee. Also went to a philosophy one in which, of all things, they were discussing the ontological arguement and related aspects, having read Descartes, which is exactly what we have been talking about. So, again, I wasn't lost. Yay!

Lunch was much interestign and fun, as well. Saw some more people on the way there, including person who could apparently create most states out of his hands. Whoa. Not just for Michigan anymore... I was amused, in any case. Reminded me of shit certain peoples I know would make up... Hell, any of us might. Yes, so went to lunch and there got to listen to more people be amusing, which is always fun. It was rather like sitting at the lunch table at school, though on a slightly different level. Much niceness. :D

During the remainder of my time, I first went to a lit class that was studying Keats. What I heard was fairly interesting, but I worked on my ethics ideas through some of it, as I've had little exposure to Keats and thus don't know much about his writings. After the class was supposed to talk to someone, but he was busy and so I received tour of music building, and explination of ideas pertaining to it, from very nice lady. Yay. Then went to admissions building where I met my dad. Was taken to offfice, talked to woman there for a while, which was really quite nice, and then listened while me dad came in and asked questions, and posed some of my own questions.

Oh, right, and I'd been thinking about scholarships... Though we had rceeievd information that seemed to dictate that the requirements weren't what was oriuganally thought, I read in other places that indeed, it was what I had thought. Thus, I had been rather hoping to get lucky with any sort of scholarship, and felt I would receive none. While at Hillsadle, I was informed by the woman in admissions that I've been granted a half-tuition scholarship, which cuts around eight thousand out of the cost. Very, very happy to have heard that news, I was. Still shocked about it, and still immensly happy. If I can get some sort of financial aid, as well, this may just be affordable.

So, yes, I've decided that I much like Hillsdale. Very much.

Wasn't able to relax once I got home, though. I had to write my ethics paper and read for classes... As it was, I ended up getting my work done. We found out that the paper is to be regarded as a first draft, and one of the writing fellows is to look at it--there can be adjustements made now, so yay. Also, there was only one question on our quiz, and it was the one that I had actually gotten a fair amount of notes on. English-wise, I was able to finish reading in band, though I still stand by the fact that we should have more time to read through and thus enjoy Woolf's work--it really isn't to be rushed. Gor. I'm quite certain that I performed poorly on the quiz, but there's not much to be done of it now.

I've got an hour of rehearsal for the one act at the college later on tonight... Don't really know much about it, so this'll be something of... yes. I don't really know.

Oh, and I watched Frankenthumb last night while the others were out and I was trying to rest my l'il brain. Then, when siblings had returned, watched it with insane commentary. Got to love that... Hrm. Icons would be amusing to me, aheh.

Yes, so now I am going to... do... stuff...
Is there anything to feel?

[16 Mar 2004|01:51am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

The entirity of my ethics essay, pre-edit. Yes, it's goign on half past one and I'm working on my essay. Happy times.

Because it is oh-so-enticing...Collapse )

This is before editing and such... I may have to force myself to get on the editing game. After I read the first half of the Berkeley essay. Whee.

Hillsdale was much, much fun, but shall have to speak on that laters.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Is there a soul, or is our mind the real? [13 Mar 2004|08:14pm]
Districts today... That was... Quite interesting. In a good way, yes.

The ride up wasn't terrible--mostly since idiot Hatch wasn't there. Symphonic band perforamnce was all right... Ended up with a one and three twos, which is a plus for the symphonic band. Sight reading was pretty damned bad with them, in all honesty--there were maybe three of us playing all of it; lovely. But yes, was all right. trumpet solo still made me cringe, but that happens. Wind ensemble went much better... Or, 'the Concert Band', as we now seem to be called. We had our mistakes during the eprformance, certainly, but apaprently we made up for it... Ended up with straight oens, which was very interesting. Personally I made some feck-ups, but ah well. I honestly remember ltitle of that. Sight reading, however, I do remember... It was sort of a holy 'holy shit, this is our band sight reading?' sort of thing. Amazing to all of us; we were stunned afterward. So yes, yay for everyone in that band... 'Twas quite a thing to be in.


I think I'm going up to Hillsdale tommorow overnight, and for the duration of the day Monday. yay! I've also got to right a philosophy paper that I've thus far neglected... bad, bad me. Thinking on it for now, will get around to it. I think I'll go watch From Hell for a while, though, as family is gone and I can thus use bigisher television upstrairs to watch it.

Please give me your soul.
4 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

Would you risk the drop? [12 Mar 2004|07:21pm]
The Letter

‘My God, you understand that I am…’

Was that how one should state such a thing, though? He hesitated, hand hovering indecisively in the air. Certainly it would seem well enough, for was there not a plea to the very heavens screaming within his mind? A cry for salvation? There was no sense in denying it; he had chosen to do so for far too long now. Clung to agnosticism rather than to decide one way or the other. But even now he could not truly believe, and could see no reason that he should. Did it truly matter, though? The expression had become a stock phrase over the years, and it seemed fitting to use such a combination of words in such a confused age. Yes, this was appropriate enough.

‘…not what I have always been.’

Could that be true, though? Now that he stopped to think about it, to consider what such a statement truly meant, it seemed that it might not be. After all, it seemed that a person was built piece by piece, and would thus include all of what had ever happened to him, what he had seen, what he had heard, what he had felt. Ideas that he had grasped when he had been a mere, supremely innocent three-year-old still swam vaguely through his mind. Experiences undergone when he had fled the grasp of middle school into the comparative freedom of high school spoke within his mind. It was a collection of experiences, and so he was as he had been and, on the other hand, he was something more now. More complete, and yet never so empty.

‘None of us are. We change, all of us. Molded by those around us.’

It was a widely accepted fact, and known especially by those who were aware that they had experienced it. Strange the number of those who were entirely unaware of the changes impressed upon them by others. So many were blind, and he for one was terribly weary of watching the blundering of these blind ones, along with the treachery of those who led them. Those who saw a call for help would often use such a time to mold a being into their image of perfection, or would perhaps move to alter the individual in order to change him or her for simple amusement. Human beings were both the changing and the forces behind this unpleasant change.

‘I have watched these others, have seen their bland faces, their tired frames. It is impossible to overlook these creatures, as they thrive in all nations, populate all cities. These are our brethren, our fellow beings.’

There was something terribly maddening in that thought, and horrible as the most insidious case of the black plague. For it was as a plague, spreading ever onward as the years passed, strangling countless victims, leaving their shells in the places of the actual beings that had once existed. More swiftly and more deadly every year, it was unstoppable; at least, it seemed that way to the man as he bent over the paper. He felt the weight of knowing of this incredible pseudo-death, and of the senselessness of fighting it. This death of the senses, or any sort of understanding, would not discriminate, would not grant favors to those who offered to pay. Perhaps, in that sense, some would say that it was judicious. Had the man met anyone who would say such a statement, he would no doubt have laughed, or perhaps stormed away in silent fury.

‘What do we do in the face of this? How do we perform? I have observed; watched and listened to my fellows and to myself. In general, we accept this disease, embrace it.’

There were those who would side with the man in the belief that such senselessness was terrifying, and yet there was a growing number--an alarming number--who would beg to differ. These would point out half-heartedly, without premeditation, that such a loss of thought, a gain of apathy, was necessary for the continuation of the human species. Though they would argue for as long as they could stand to, these people would only say the same thing, repeating the basic idea again and again, for they had failed to find any deeper resonance for accepting this horrid degradation. They accepted it because they could not stop it, and justified their actions so that their heads would rest at night. So it appeared to the man, in any case.

‘We allow ourselves and our kin to fall further and further away from humanity…’

Who would stop the madness? Was there any way to do so? He wished to stop this, and yet could not see how, save for one way, and it was small. He could perhaps perform his part, but what good of that, in the end, if the others would not perform their own duties? All had to be a part, to attend to their tasks. Perhaps then they could bring change. It was unthinkable that this should continue. Unthinkable that the human beings that had for so long been distinguished by their emotions and thoughts were to become as the so-common animals of the earth.

‘…and we drift.’

There must be an end, some sort of point at which all halted. Before they were entirely gone, they had to be taken care of.

‘Drift and die.’

Yes, they were all to die. That, then, was the answer. To die. It was the only option left to them, to the whole of the world, that would allow for escape. To live under this pressure was madness. One could not escape the plague forever, after all. It was better to die by one’s own hands, a thinking man, than to fall under the harnesses of imposed ignorance. If he could begin this, perhaps others could follow him. If all were to depart from the world, then there would be none to fall into the role of a man’s shell.

‘We must take for ourselves what this senselessness would have.’

It was necessary, if there was any sort of salvation. Already, the man knew, he had waited far too long. This should have begun by now. Perhaps more might have been saved. As it was, there were souls that would be forever lost, their substances held by that creature which stoles from them their true livelihood, their spirits. Before the greedy hands of their creature could drag the entirety of humanity into some nightmarish oblivion, the valiant death of humanity must being; this, the man understood very well.

‘So it shall begin.’

Carefully, he moved the paper aside, taking care to place it where it would remain unharmed and undoubtedly be seen afterward. They would understand. They would have to understand. If ever they had seen the apathy, the carelessness--and they must have seen it--and know the truth of it, they would understand this. Assured in this, the man replaced the pen in his hand with the knife that had been set on the desk. There was only one way to cheat death at the hand of this plague. Now the others could know, and now he could take leave himself before the plague could catch him. He watched the blade for a moment, then, eyes half-closing, moved to strike himself…

The goal was met.
2 of the inhuman spoke. | Is there anything to feel?

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